You, my Rabb

-By UmmGhareebah

When I hit rock bottom,
And all doors shut on me,
Deserted and despised,
By all: friends and family.
I lay awake crying,
Feeling like such a waste of a life.

My heart filled with so much darkness,
My soul damaged beyond repair,
Realizing my miserable state,
Full of anguish and despair,
And overcome with tears,
I turned to You, my Rabb,
And You rescued me.

Even with all the sins I amassed,
You forgave,
Even with all the oppression I committed,
You gave me a blank page!
To start fresh.
And I did.
For You, my Rabb.

And when the road to righteousness,
Became hard to walk,
When the closest people in my life,
Became obstacles, blocks
Preventing me from obeying Your Command,
I sought refuge with You,
And You gave me strength.
To keep going.
And I did.
For You, my Rabb.

my Rabb!

You turned my sadness into sakinah,
My empty life into ibaadah,
My blackened heart You filled with noor,
And by Your Mercy changed into hidayah,
The misguidance I was in before.

All for me?
Your simple, sinful slave!

I turned to You in gratefulness,
For all the favors You bestowed,
And You gave me even more blessings and favors,
For the gratitude I showed.

I thank and praise You,
Only You, my Rabb!

And O Allah...

When I strived to perfect my worship,
Only keeping company with the righteous,
You led me to perform the best of deeds,
And tansformed my love for dunya,
Into a love for the afterlife.

Thanks and Praise be to You, my Rabb.

But as my appearance became like the pious,
And my speech turned eloquent,
My heart started to crave the praise I was receiving,
And the endless compliments.

It was then,
My vision shifted from You to the creation.
My deeds once for You,
Now seemed only for show,
As my heart burned with insincerity,
The disease of riya slowly started taking control.

My once sincere deeds,
Were now only for praise,
For good words and approval,
And not for Your Sake.

my Rabb,
With my once again darkened heart,
I turned to You:
Crying.

In the early mornings,
And throughout the days,

Supplicating and more crying.

Even as night fell,
And the world was retiring.

O they slept soundly,
But I lay awake,
Seeking guidance from You,
Only You, my Rabb.

And You guided me,
To the paths of sincerity.

Now as I sit in the darkness of this still night,
I reflect over my journey,
From my days of Jahiliyyah,
To now being upright.

Every step of the way,
You were there for me,
Every error, mistake,
You were there to forgive me.

And now here I am,
Your simple slave.

I ask You,
To make me of the steadfast.
To keep me on my Islam,
Until I breathe my last.

I ask Your Pardon for sins,
Past, present and future,
For who forgives but You?
The forgiver of ALL sins,
Is only You, my Rabb!